Death of a Dream
by Charlotte Webber
Summary: Companion story to chapter 11 of "Life Sucks and Then You Live Forever" Nahuel's disasterous fiasco of trying to win Nessie's heart. Nahuel POV Teen


**A/N I am not Stephenie Meyer, I do not own Twilight, New Moon, Eclipse or Breaking Dawn. This is nothing more than a fan's attempt to prolong her own enjoyment of this amazing series. I am not being compensated in any way for this story. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**This is a companion story to "Life Sucks and Then You Live Forever" Be sure to read chapter 11 "Betrayal" before reading this story.**

**My sincere thanks to .-MsRed.- and MrsKatyCullen for their help with Beta Reading!**

Death of a Dream

Nahuel's POV

"Nahuel, what kind of a game are you playing? Why haven't you shown me where to find the plants I need to make Jake's medicine?" Renesmee sounded tired and annoyed.

I sighed with frustration, wishing once again that I had just let that dog Jacob Black drown in the river. "It's not much further Nessie. Please try to be patient. Do not ruin it."

"What are you talking about Nahuel?" I wanted so desperately for this to be perfect. I had worked so hard and planned so carefully. Nothing had gone according to plan since I first found Renesmee hanging onto her _lover_ in the mud and muck on the riverbank. Pretending I didn't know the identity of the man she was clinging so desperately to was the first time I blatantly and knowingly deceived her. Just one more tiny step down into the pit of lies waiting to destroy me.

I had hated Jacob Black for years. The explanation of imprinting was a weak excuse for his obsession with a child. How could her family allow him to be near her? How could they accept him as her future mate? I stayed away, dreaming of the woman she would become. I waited patiently for her all these years only to find I never really had a chance at all.

I reached out to her, wanting nothing more than to hold her hand. I found it difficult to speak, insecurity nearly choking me as I glanced at her. "I have a surprise for you."

What was left of my confidence evaporated when she jerked away from me and accused me of lying. Even though I had, I didn't like hearing her speak to me so sharply. It made me angry.

I had dreamed of this woman for years and she wouldn't even let me hold her hand. I had sunk so low as to contrive ways to touch her. An "accidental" brush of my hand on her arm as I handed her another dose of Jake's "medicine"... Timing each entrance or exit from the tent so I could share the crowded space of the doorway for the briefest of moments. It was pathetic.

The only genuine embrace we shared had been heaven. She had been so compassionate and full of love when I told her about my sister's death. I could still feel my arms around her perfect body as she consoled me. I remembered the cool salty tear I brushed from her cheek and secretly tasted. Then that damn dog had to interrupt.

I couldn't touch _her_, but _she_ couldn't keep her hands off of Jacob. I was furious when I caught them groping each other covered in soap. My vision of Renesmee's purity and innocence was irrevocably altered in that moment. I could forgive her nasty little fantasies of Jacob Black she had pushed into my brain with her gift. But when I actually saw them together, my heart was shattered. Each moan of pleasure that escaped her lips was a knife through my gut. The sight of Jacob's huge ugly hands slipping under the thin wet fabric of her shirt drove me insane. It was painfully obvious she enjoyed it. I was disappointed and heartbroken. I had planned to give her so much more. Knowing how much Tanya liked to bathe, I began work on the fresh water pool the day after I pulled her from the river. I spent days clearing the area of all debris, building the stone benches, and gathering flowers. It was a temple fit for a queen. All Jacob had to offer her was a bucket of water and a bar of harsh lye soap. Soap he had stolen from my backpack. He did not deserve her.

Knowing that my gift was immensely superior to Jacob's was the only thing that kept me sane. I turned away from their debauchery and journeyed to the resort to steal the remaining supplies; soft fluffy towels, shampoo, and fragrant soaps. She would see how I worshiped her. I would wash her body slowly with tenderness and reverence, using all the skills I learned from Tanya to give Renesmee the most pleasurable experience possible. When we were both clean and fragrant, I would make love to her on a bed of flowers. It would be perfect.

I felt a flash of anger as I thought how Jacob had ruined everything. It was his fault I had to resort to trickery. It was Jacob's fault, but I was the one who had to apologize...

"I am sorry I had to mislead you, but I didn't think you would leave Jacob alone at camp if I had told you the truth."

Her anger was palpable. "You got that right." She actually snarled before she turned her back on me. I didn't mean to grab her arm quite as roughly as I did, but I couldn't let her leave before she saw the special place I had prepared for us.

"Let go of me right now." I could tell she didn't mean it. There was no assertion or authority in her voice. Still, I didn't want to completely ignore her request so I slid my hand down to her wrist and led her to the pool. She followed willingly so I assumed she was no longer angry with me.

When she saw the beautiful clear water, the towels, and special soaps she didn't say a word. She seemed awed by the thoughtfulness of my gift. All my work and preparation was worth it. Sitting there beside her on the stone bench, listening to the music of the waterfall and drinking in her beauty, was pure bliss.

She trembled with desire when I began to stroke her back. It was one of the techniques Tanya had shown me and it seemed to be working wonderfully, I could hear her heart pounding as her trembling increased. It was just as I had imagined it. I picked her up like a princess bride in a movie and carried her into the water.

I wanted to blame Tanya for what happened next, but I couldn't. She had warned me to take it slow, shown me many ways to give pleasure to an inexperienced and innocent lover.

I knew Renesmee enjoyed the feel of soap on her skin. The sudden memory of Jacob's hands on her body threatened to taint this perfect moment but I was able to suppress it. At least it was my hands giving her pleasure now. She whimpered with desire and it sounded just like Tanya.

I had always imagined my first time making love to Renesmee as a gentle and reverent experience. That was _before_ I witnessed Jacob's hands all over her. Renesmee was no novice, but it still took me by surprise when she began to rake her fingernails across my chest and thrash against me with passion. This was one of Tanya's favorite games and I laughed out loud as I remembered how she had warned me to be gentle with Renesmee until she was more experienced.

Just the thought of my time with Tanya caused my body to react, making it difficult to think clearly. I loved Renesmee and it was a betrayal of that love to think of Tanya now. But the memories just wouldn't go away. The horrible words left my mouth before I even realized I was speaking...

"Tanya likes to play rough too." I couldn't believe I actually said that out loud. I had never in my wildest dreams imagined Renesmee enjoying rough sex. I felt disoriented with no idea how to proceed. I had to improvise, so I relied on Tanya's training, hoping to please Renesmee. I abandoned all pretense of control and ripped her shirt off with my teeth.

Tanya loved it when I did that and she always followed by ripping my clothes off as well. I knew it had been a mistake to mention Tanya and I didn't blame Renesmee for getting angry, but I didn't expect her to react quite so violently. She screamed and I could tell it wasn't from the throes of passion. There was no mistaking the jealous rage behind it; especially when it was followed by a brutal attack. Even Tanya didn't play that rough.

Renesmee took off running through the jungle while I was doubled over in pain. As soon as I could breathe again, I caught up with her. She spun around and the look on her face stopped me in my tracks. She was furious. Surely she wasn't so jealous of Tanya that she would let it ruin our first time together? We should be celebrating the beginning of our love, not fighting over past lovers. I had forgiven Renesmee; and her lover was at this very moment asleep in _my _hammock.

If I could just convince her to return to the pool with me, we could start over.

"Nessie, wait. I'm sorry, I thought you would like the pool. You seemed to enjoy it when Jacob bathed you..."

She attacked me again and threw me to the ground, pounding me with her fists the whole time. She started screaming horrible accusations at me...

"You spied on us? You make me sick! Why would you think I would enjoy being kidnapped and raped?"

I could not believe what I was hearing. How could she think me capable of such a horrendous crime? Didn't she know me at all? I would never hurt her. What should have been the happiest day of my existence turned out to be the worst.

I wanted to salvage what I could of our relationship, maybe she would forgive me in a couple of decades if she could understand how much I loved her, how I worshiped her, and how long I had waited for her. I tried to explain, but I only made it worse...

"I didn't mean to make you angry, I only wanted a chance to show you how I could make you happy. I have done nothing but dream of you ever since I met you."

"I was only 6 months old you creep." How could she think that of me? I wasn't the one that fell in love with a baby!

"That didn't seem to stop Jacob." I reminded her. She hit me across the face with her open palm. I caught a brief flash of the terror and anger raging through her, and cringed from that vision.

"That's different," she hissed. How could she be such a hypocrite?

"I waited for you to grow up." I had stayed away from her for years, giving her time to mature. This was ridiculous! "You are not a child any longer. I can make you happy Renesmee. Your kisses won't kill me. If you would just give me a chance I could teach you many wonderful..."

She slapped me again and her harsh words cut me like razors.

"The only thing I'm interested in learning from you is how to make Jake's medicine."

All my hopes and dreams died in that moment. Preparing for a life with Renesmee had inspired me to be a better man, giving up human blood, and learning how to live among civilized men. In my desperation to win her love, I sacrificed every scrap of decency I possessed. I lied, contemplated murder, faked her death, and gave poison to the man she really loved, claiming it was medicine. What possible reason did she have to love me? What sort of monster had I become?

"He only needed medicine for the first night. I have been dosing him with tranquilizers to keep him calm and sleepy."

"Why would you do that?" She looked as if I had mortally wounded her. Perhaps the true test of my love would be to let her go. If I told her the truth, she would never forgive me, but perhaps someday I could forgive myself. I decided to do the honorable thing...

"I owe Jacob an apology as well, if you let me up, we can go back to camp and I will confess all my sins."

"There's more?" Her voice was full of hatred, but it was less than I deserved.

"Yes." I whispered. "Much more."

It had been hours since I last heard the hideous howling of the wolves, but I was reluctant to leave the river. Floating weightless in the current was the only thing that gave me any comfort at all. My life was meaningless once again. Maybe I should let the shifters find and destroy me. I would welcome the end to my loneliness and misery, but I had no desire to experience the pain of being slowly tortured to death.

I wondered if being ripped to shreds could be any more painful than constantly analyzing the fiasco of my attempt to win Renesmee's heart?

I left the river and ran through the jungle, not knowing or caring where I went. I don't know how long I had been running, but it must have been weeks. My clothes were rotting off my body by the time I arrived at the outskirts of a minor city. I grabbed the first thing I saw hanging from a clothesline that looked like it might fit. It was another day or two before I noticed the shirt I had on was one of those ridiculous tourist tees with a slogan screen printed across it. I had to laugh. It described my situation almost perfectly.... "Life Sucks and Then You Die" In my case it was much worse, it should have read... "Life Sucks and Then You Live Forever".

_________________________________________________________________________________

**A/N I always suspected Nahuel was trying to hijack my story. He just wouldn't be quiet the whole time I was writing Life Sucks. I thought I would appease him by giving him his own chapter, but the S.O.B. stole my title! **

**Please leave a review, and let me know what you think.**


End file.
